Joy’s Rant list, Volume 33: Marriage and Socks

Long before there was a “Rant List”, there was me and my friend Angele.  We’d sit, bored in our offices, writing to each other.  One day, I had an epiphany and wrote this to her.  She replied, we went back and forth, and Marriage and Socks was born.  However, I’ve already let her completely author one of my rants, so she gets no by-line for this.  She did help, though.  And I may throw her under the bus in a couple paragraphs…(Luv you, Gele!)  This is my origin as a writer, plus a couple of tweaks.  I thought I was deep… LOL!  I hope you like it.

consider this a club scene...

Now, on to why this is entitled Marriage and Socks.  It all has to do with finding a mate.  Socks, just like couples, try to get mated up.  But here is where the two differ:  when you get married, you are looking for a soul mate, the one person in the world that God has set forth to be your husband (or wife).  Why is it that we believe that there is only one person in the entire universe that we are supposed to truly be with?  Why would God do that?  What if your soul mate was in Bangladesh? 

That is why I think that we have been looking for the wrong thing.  Instead of a soul mate, we should be looking for a ‘sole’ mate.  Someone who matches – like socks.  When you buy socks, you get maybe 3 pair in a pack. They are all identical, and they are paired automatically. The first time out, you wear the two that were paired in the package (we’ll call this the “first love”).  But once you wash them and they come out of the dryer (read this as growing up, maturing, whatever), you really have no idea which sock was paired with which, so how do you match them?  By the soles!! This sock is ribbed just like that one, or this other one has a gold toe like that one over there, and so you play God with the socks, determining which ones will be together.  But just because you put them together doesn’t mean that it is the only pairing possible.

Sometimes the socks don’t match up exactly, but you still wear them because they serve the purpose and you don’t get embarrassed when they are different.  And honestly, anyone who knows that your socks don’t match, especially when they are covered by your jeans, is looking way too hard.  Likewise if someone is looking that damn hard to see that your ‘sole mate’ doesn’t match you perfectly is too far up in your business. <– Angele wrote that – I don’t wear unmatched socks.  But I will say this:  If you are happy with your relationship, don’t let others’ judgment mess up your happiness.  Let them find their own happiness (or just business in general) to monitor.  Tell them to stay out of your drawers!  Literally!!

Side Note:  I have gotten dressed in the dark and gotten to work to discover that I have on two trouser socks that I thought matched but really didn’t.  One was black and one was blue.  And I was embarrassed.  Now the moral to that story is “what’s done in the dark will come to light.”  Be careful whom you ‘match up’ with in the twilight hours, because you might end up stuck with them, and embarrassed.  Can you say “baby momma/daddy?”

Some people will only wear socks that match perfectly, resorting to mismatches only if all other options are exhausted.  Some people will just pick up what fits and doesn’t look too bad.  Both of these can translate to relationships.  On one end, you don’t deal with a buster or take something less than perfect until you’ve exhausted all your options, and then, even the worst case scenario isn’t bad because the basic need is being met.  Have you ever seen a couple and thought: “How in the world did HE get HER?”  (cough cough, Janet and Jermaine, cough).  On the other end, you may take any buster that comes along as long as he is not ugly and y’all get along okay.  We all know people in both of these camps. 

Now, let’s leave gym socks and go to black/trouser socks.  This is a better example of what we deal with because we have WAY more pairs of gym socks than black socks.  In reality we don’t have all that many options with black socks.  Let’s say you have one pair of black trouser socks and you are not about to go get anymore.  You are done.  In this way, you could say gym socks (a dime a dozen) are like dating and trouser socks ($3.00/pair) are like marriage.  Let’s say one day you end up washing only one of the black socks.  What happens to black socks when they are washed?  They get a little less black.  So that day you need your black socks, you still have the exact same pair but one is a little grayer than the other.  But they are the same sock.  So you suck it up and roll out.  But after that, when you wash them, one goes gray and the first one even grayer…get it?  But they are the same pair of socks.  There has been no change to the form, fit or function of the socks.  There is just a slight change in color.  And over time, both socks can go through changes, eventually getting back to the same color, probably even changing again.  Modern couples need to learn to come through the wash together.

Let’s take a closer look at the black sock that got washed by itself.  We are all meant to be mates, right?  And when you go out into the world, alone, and get ‘washed’ by yourself you end up faded.  (…Ha!)  But when your mate is with you, you can weather the ‘wash’ together, and quite possibly the water around you will be mixed with the dye off of both socks, and while both may fade a little, neither will fade as much as they would have if they had been in there alone.  AND, they still match, having been equally faded.  Now in reference to the one sock changing colors: think of it this way — one sock has left its mate, and gone through something without the mate.  They can continue to function as a mated pair, but the color differential will be very hard to get even again without multiple washings (remember, wash = hard times).  So to me this is like if a man cheats on you, or loses his job and doesn’t tell you, something like that.  He went out and got faded all by himself.  If he’s your husband – and he should be if you are getting washed in the same bag together – then you will still accept him as a mate, even though the color change will always be there.  And it would take a few fights and bad times to make everything alright again.  Kind of a forgive and don’t forget situation.  Or, you could go to marriage counseling and get dyed the same color again.

And so in summary, just because you are in love with one person doesn’t mean that you can’t fall in love again and get married to someone else later.  I think there are lots of matches out there.  I think that there are multiple people out there that we could marry and be happy with.  Everyone is looking for the perfect mate, but it doesn’t exist.  It may SEEM like it does, (before that first washing), but in the end, it’s a matter of matching up close enough for the differences not to matter.  Again, as some of you have heard me say before, you should find someone you can put up with, and roll with that.  And I believe that if there’s a physical and mental attraction strong enough, you can get through the rest.  Find someone that makes you look at things a different way.  Find someone that makes you laugh. (That’s important to me, anyway…)  Find someone that challenges you to do better without damaging your self-esteem.  Find someone that can, like Missy Elliot says, “sex me so good I say ‘blah blah blah!’ ”   Find someone that you like to look at in the morning.  Because if you don’t like the person’s looks, then the other idiosyncrasies are going to drive you to murder them.  And see, now you know why socks go missing in the dryer…. LOL!

Okay, that’s my inflammatory remarks for the day.  I started to write about why I think arranged marriages is a good idea, but I’ll save that for later.

Rant 33 done, and I’m out.

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