Joy’s Rant List Volume 35: Nuthin En Dis Titel iz Speld Rite.

I have had it.  I have FREAKING had it!!  This is going to be an old-school, rant, like the ones from 2008 and early 2009, when I was angry.  Because I am ANGRY.  I am irate!  And that’s pronounced “eye-rate”, and the past tense is not “irritated”.

Here is my issue – people need to learn to read, write, and speak correctly.  I am SO far beyond “she sound white” (bad grammar used ON PURPOSE).  If you didn’t spot the bad grammar in that sentence, you are part of the problem.  I am also tired of hearing “she speaks so well” and “she is so eloquent”.  I know all that.  I don’t have a problem with people saying I speak well, or eloquently – it’s true.  I do.  But I DON’T speak white.  I speak ENGLISH.  And I do so BECAUSE I AM INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO KNOW THE BASIC RULES OF MY OWN NATIVE LANGUAGE. 

Yes, I am yelling.  And I might just be yelling at YOU.  I am SO tired of seeing misspelled words on Facebook and Twitter.  I’m not even talking about the shortened versions of pronouns like “U” instead of “you”, or “R” instead of “are”.  That’s fine – as long as you use them correctly and you actually know the true English forms behind the words you are typing.  Here are some things that we need to get straight before I kill you all:

LEARN THESE WORDS NOW!  It will make you seem smarter than you obviously are. 

Wrong:                                 Right:

Dido                                      Ditto      (when agreeing with someone)

Gitty                                     Giddy    (as in she was really giddy about her new car)

Chow                                    Ciao       (Italian goodbye – ‘chow’ is slang for food.)

Valentimes                          Valentine’s (note the use of T-I-N-E, as well as the apostrophe)

Congradulations                Congratulations

Stewart                                Steward – as in “a good and faithful steward”, for all you ignorant Christians.

(It’s spelled the right way in the Bible.  Didn’t you read that?)

I’m not even going to go into the usual suspects – were, where and we’re;  there, their and they’re; your and you’re, etc.  Those errors are so commonplace that most people just give you a pass.  But the list goes on and on.  And do you know why so many people misspell these words?  BECAUSE THEY DON’T READ.  You have to read REAL BOOKS (or at least a real magazine) in order to see the English language being used properly.  Spelling mistakes are usually made because the person using the word has not seen it spelled out in written form.  This is why it is so important to read to your children.  And encourage them to keep reading into adolescence and adulthood.  My mother used to read to me when I was 3 or 4 years old.  Eventually, she got tired of reading to me so she recorded herself reading all of my favorite books.  That way, I could sit in the living room and keep myself occupied while she cooked dinner, or did whatever mommies do when they are not with their kids.  Let that be a lesson or some good advice to you parents who “don’t have the time”.  Because she did this for me and got me interested in reading, I was reading on a 3rd grade level when I started kindergarten.  (By the way – kindergarten is spelled with a ‘T’ and not a ‘D’, because it is a German word.  I learned that by READING.)  We pronounce it “kindergarden” with a D because we learned it in a lazy manner.  This is similar to ‘dat’ instead of ‘that’ and ‘dem’ or ‘nem’ instead of them.  But we knew those were wrong.  However, that lazy manner of speaking has caused us to forget how to spell (see list above).

So:  STOP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN ‘TURN OFF’ YOUR GHETTO SPEAK WHENEVER YOU CHOOSE.  OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN’T, OR I WOULDN’T BE WRITING THIS RANT.  You do it so much now, that you don’t even realize when you really are just plain wrong.  You suck. 

The worst thing that our generation has done to oppress our own people has been the embracing of “Ebonics”.  That was a stupid F-ing idea to begin with, and we just ate it up in order to have something that was our own.  We even criticized those among us who didn’t use Ebonics, saying they sounded “white”.  Of all the ridiculous….  We talk about this generation of kids being fat and lazy, because they don’t go outside and play and exercise like we used to.  But, just like with real muscles, language arts get sick and pitiful when you don’t use them correctly.  The saddest part of it is that we have started to believe our own bullshyt.  We’ve even gotten Webster to add some of our stupidity into the dictionary.  I have no problem with “jiggy” or even “bootylicious”.  Those are just nonsense words.  I’m talking about “IRREGARDLESS”.  That’s just a damn shame – regardless of who thought it was a good idea to add it.

You also need to know that “throwed off” is not correct.  Throwed is not a word.  Thrown is the right spelling.  “Throwed off” is more fun to say.  But you need to know that it is wrong.

We are fucking it up for our children, trying to be cool and cute with misspelled words.  THEY can’t read because either WE can’t read or we don’t read TO them. 

This love of reading that I shared with my mother was only possible because she was a good reader.  If she had just ‘called words’ like I hear so many people doing, then I would not have enjoyed what she read to me.  She made the stories come alive – not with crazy character voices, but with a basic understanding of the cadence of conversation.  She was TELLING me the story, and it matched the words on the page.  So I understood the story better.  This is CRITICAL to reading comprehension, which so many kids struggle with in school right now.  IF YOU CAN’T COMPREHEND WHAT YOU READ, THEN YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND CONTEXT CLUES, YOU CAN’T DO MATH WORD PROBLEMS, YOU CAN’T EVEN FOLLOW DIRECTIONS IN A MANUAL.

SN – in Florida, they have forced teachers to stop making kids read aloud in class, because it may ‘embarrass’ the child.  So now, teachers can’t even pinpoint the children that need help.  Are we making our kids dumber because we want them to be cooler?  And if there is no incentive (like NOT being embarrassed) for kids to learn to read, then how will little Da’Varitometrious ever get up to his grade’s reading level?!?

Another “Hall of Failures” exists in the general lack of subject-verb agreement.  If you are using a plural subject, then use a plural verb.  Case in point: “We was” will never – NEVER – be correct.  “I’m is” is like saying “I am is”.  Why do you need two verbs?  You don’t.  You also need to learn the rules around the object in a sentence.  For example: “This is a conversation between him and me”.  That is a CORRECT sentence.  Because ME is the objective form of the first person, and HIM is the objective form of the third person.  When you say “This is between he and I”, you think you sound smart, but you are actually incorrect.  You wouldn’t say “Pass the salt to I” or “Give HE this package”.  Do you get it?  However, if you are using these pronouns as the subject of a sentence, then you use ‘he’ and ‘I’.  Example: “He and I are going out tonight.”  You could have said “He is going out” or “I am going out”.  But once you say “He and I”, you make it a plural so you have to use ‘are’… 

You know, I think I’ve lost you.  Never mind.  But there’s a good chance that the person you are trying to impress with your use of “I” knows that you are wrong.  At least I’m trying to help you, and not laugh at you behind your back. 

I don’t want to go into all the different punctuation uses, but I will try to help you with these general thoughts.  Please use them when you write.  Especially if you write to me. 

Notes for you, on punctuation:

Comma (,) = pause for effect

Period (.) = stop and start a new idea or thought.

Semicolon (;) = pause to get their attention (longer than a comma) and then start a related new idea.  See why it’s half comma, half period?

Colon (:) = about to list something (like this list)

Apostrophe (‘) = used to show a possessive – like John’s or Mary’s.  This is also used to mark a contraction, when you replace missing letters with it.  You see this in don’t, can’t, won’t, li’l, doin’, tryin’, I’m, we’re, etc. etc. 

Guess what – if you mean to say “We Are” or “They Are”, but only want to use one word, then you can replace the “A” with a contraction.  Now you have “We’re” and “They’re”.  See how that works?  This may help you use the right spelling.  Please, get help somewhere!

One other thing that I have to speak about is this new shyt where people don’t use any punctuation in their sentences I mean you can’t even begin to understand how hard it is for me to write this I am so used to using commas and periods how can you even read this without starting over two or three times

Ugh!!  That was absolutely horrible to me!!!  I think I died a little bit inside.  Learn to write, people.  How can you ever expect to be taken seriously when you can’t even be understood? 

Be warned, if you comment on this rant or on my FB page with poor spelling or poor grammar (unless I know you are kidding)…  

I will kill you.   

Rant # 35 done, and I’m out.