Joy’s Rant List, Volume 40: Religion is the Devil (The Final Installment of the Evil Trilogy)

Everybody step back…She’s finally done it.

Yeah, I said it.  Religion is the devil!  Now, before all of you form an angry mob armed with stones and pitchforks to persecute me, let me make three things very clear:

1)      Religion is the series of rituals, practices and human laws that Man created to show worship to a higher power.

2)      You can perform religious rituals and practice a religion without actually believing in that higher power.  

3)      I consider myself a Christian.  That means that I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and that my salvation lies with believing and following his teachings.  BUT – I don’t think I am a Christian because I go to “church”.  A “church” is a building.  If it burned down, my soul would not go with it.  I think that I am a Christian because I believe what I just wrote above.  The real CHURCH is the collection of people in this world that believe as I do.  And yes, there are many different CHURCHES.

Final Note:  Just because I am a self-professed Christian doesn’t mean I think that the only way to experience God is through Christianity.  I said MY salvation lies with Jesus Christ.  There are several belief systems in the world that, in my opinion, are just as valid.  Because I know the Bible best, I am going to stick with it as my source material. However, half the stuff you hear people saying isn’t even in the Bible, or any religious text.  The other half of the spewings are in there, but they have been … reinterpreted over the years by Crusaders, Slave Owners, Tea Party members and Glenn Beck.

Still:  “Religion” (as defined above) is the DEVIL.  Let me tell you why:

Religion Likes to Make Threats

So many religions like to tell you that you are on thin ice, like, all the damn time.  One wrong  step, and you’re out.  If you don’t do this, you are going to hell.  You can’t do that, or you are going to lose your salvation.   News Flash – you can’t lose your salvation.  You can only shun it or refuse it.  Once asked, it’s given.  Even if you totally fkuc up, you can still work past it – If you WANT to.  Still, so many leaders of religious organizations like to tell you that if you don’t do exactly what they say and the way they say it, then you are going to burn for all eternity.

I call BS on that.  First of all, God is all knowing and all seeing.  He knew when He made us that we were going to blow it.  Free will = bad decisions, all damn day long.  Find me one kid, just ONE, who hasn’t done something you told him/her not to do, JUST to find out what would happen?  And we are all God’s children.  He knew we were going to stick our tongue in the power outlet. Shave the dog?  Yeah, He saw that coming too.  He lets us do it so that we won’t do it again.  (You gon’ learn today!!)  We are willful, disobedient, problem children.  Hey, don’t you love your raggedy kids anyway?  Can’t they still come home, at any age, if they actually try to straighten up?  God leaves the porch light on for us – for eternity.  This is not to say that eventually He doesn’t get sick of the lies and sends your phone calls directly to voicemail.  But He knows your heart, and again, if you WANT to, He will help you save yourself.   He also always checks His voicemail.

“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle…”

Religion Lies Indiscriminately

…Huh? (*slap*)  Pay attention!  Religion has gotten into our collective mind to make us think that we need it.  We don’t.  That is the greatest lie of all time!!  Remember that a religion is a series of rituals and ceremonies that are performed to show worship to a higher power – BUT you don’t have to believe in that power to perform or participate in the ceremonies.  And here’s the real ass-kicker:  you don’t have to take part in the ceremonies to believe in and worship a higher power.  One thing that IS in the Bible is that whenever two or more people are gathered in the name of God, He will be among them.  Nowhere in that sentence does it say that you have to be in a suit, on a Sunday (or Saturday), with your tithe check written out, ready to sit through 3 hours of songs and announcements, followed by 10 minutes of a sermon.  Nowhere does it say that you have to listen to a priest or minister in order to understand the message that God is sending to you.  Red Alert: your minister is reading the same Bible that you leave at home every Sunday.  Try reading it.  And get one written in modern English, so you will know what the hell it says.  Then maybe you will stop misquoting it, and learn something real.  And here’s a hint:  If it’s not written in red (words said by God and Jesus highlighted in red) then it’s just an editorial version of events, written by someone who heard about it from someone who thought they knew the guy who was there.  In today’s courts, that’s called hearsay and is inadmissible as evidence.  But I digress…

Religion also likes to tell you about so many things in the Bible that are an “abomination”.  Homosexuality and Chick-Fil-A were the first things that popped into your head.  You can admit it.  But you know what else is considered an abomination in the Bible?  Shrimp.  Pork.  Women going to church on their period.  Divorce…  Why are all these things an abomination?  Because they are not good for you to do.  That was the original meaning of the word that was translated into “abomination” – not good for you to do.  But because gay sex is gross to straight men, and straight men run the world’s religions, that particular act has been singled out as an unforgiveable sin.  That is a lie.  I just went and checked in the Bible, and the wages of the sin of homosexuality is death.  Guess what?  That’s the same penalty for ALL SINS.  Wait, we all sin and we all die.  Wages of sin = death = Adam never shoulda let Eve talk him into eating that damn apple!

Side Note:  “Sodomy” refers to a penis going anywhere except inside a vagina.  Blow job = sodomy.  Blow job = No opportunity to procreate = Not good for you to do = Abomination…  NOW who wants to talk about unforgiveable sins?  … Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Religion Lusts for Power

We’ve already stated that Religion likes to make threats and lie indiscrimately.  You know who else does that?  The MAFIA.  Why?  To maintain power and control.  You step out of line, you get “an offer you can’t refuse.”  You try to start up your own splinter organization, you are exterminated.  Can we talk for a minute about the creation of the Protestant churches, and how the Holy Roman Empire felt about that?  How many people were burned?  How many lost everything?  Do you want to talk about why the Pope got with the King of France to slaughter all of the Knights Templar on Friday the 13th? It was to seize control over that group’s substantial financial empire.  They were all declared heretics – aka the quickest way to get your estate snatched up by the Catholic Church.  Then all of the Templar loot was split between church (Vatican) and state (France).   This is why separation of church and state was such a big deal to the forefathers of the USA.  It wasn’t to stop kids from praying in school.  It was to stop the government and the church from killing and robbing you if they decided they didn’t like your belief system.

Side Note:  That whole massacre thing is why Friday the 13th is an unlucky day.  It has nothing to do with Jason Voorhees.

If you think my comparison of the Catholic Church to the Mafia is a bit much, then you should know that the HBO show “The Borgias” is based on the family of a pope (who was married) and their quest for power through the church.  This is the SAME family that Mario Puzo used to create the Corleone family of “Godfather” notoriety.  Oh yeah… Priests used to be able to get married, until their estates started to go to their sons, who did not become priests.  All of a sudden, no more marriages.  Not because “your life belongs to God,” but because “your money and land belongs to the church”.  The Crusades was about spreading Christianity, but it was ALSO about controlling the trade routes through the holy land.  Actually, it was mostly about the trade routes.  And again, it goes back to money and power.

Religion is the Devil

Why do I say this about religion?  It’s not because I don’t go to church.  I do.  I love my pastor and I like to listen to him.  He says some interesting things that make me think.  But, that doesn’t change the real issue:  the Devil – as an individual – expends all of his energy trying to keep us humans away from God.  However he can, he will lie, threaten, suggest, tempt, taint, mislead, whatever it takes – to keep that barrier up between us and God.  Religion has been doing the same thing for years.  It has caused us to distrust each other, abused its power, disenchanted millions, and ultimately taken us further away from God.  The reason why the Devil is everywhere is because Religion has been so helpful to him by doing his job for him.

Now, you may feel the need to pray for me and throw some holy water at your computer screen.  Go ahead.  I’ve been told countless times that I need Jesus.  Well, I talk to him on the regular.  And I’m pretty sure that when I die, God is going to give me the ‘side-eye’ for oh-so-many things I’ve done and said.  But I believe in Him and His son.  And I know that He loves me, in all my willful and disobedient glory.  Why?  Because I love Him too, and I show that love to others, in His name.  That is my testimony.  There is no barrier between me and my Jesus!!!

Rant 40, done, and I’m out!   ShammalamaObamaHonda!!!