Joy’s Rant List Volume 44: Fifty Shades of Joy

For my male friends, you may want to skip this one, although I will say that it’s worth reading to the end.

For my female friends – you’re welcome.  🙂

(No pictures, this time!!!  LOL!)

It’s late afternoon.  Nobody knows where I am right now.  The room is dark, with the scent of lavender on the air.  Some kind of low music is playing in the front room.  I hear him walk in.  I’m already laying there, waiting.  Jeans and t-shirt in a ball on the floor.  He comes towards me.  He’s built like a linebacker, with long locks down his back.  Caramel skin, green eyes.  So sexy!  He speaks to me in that deep baritone voice…

“Are you ready?”
“Yes” I reply.  I look at his hands – big, strong, huge, even.  And I can tell this is going to hurt just a little bit.  But it will be worth it.
He comes towards me and begins to rub my back in small circles, relaxing me.  I close my eyes.  “Mmmm, that feels good.”

He doesn’t respond.  At this point, I’m not sure what he is going to do next.  I’m focused on the warm strength of his hands, traveling from my neck to the small of my back, over my hips.  I hear him adjusting his position.  Then that pressure, that delicious weight, begins.
He slides his hand up the back of my thigh, and it tickles a little bit.  I giggle.  He pauses and asks me “Is this too much for you?”
No.”  God, no! I’m loving every minute so far.  He continues the rhythm of his hands, running them up and down my thigh.  He grips my hips and I shudder.  He starts to push down.  He speaks again and it sounds like his voice is reverberating through my chest.

“Let me know if this hurts you, okay?”
“Okay”, I say, now feeling a bit shy.  I’m completely at his mercy, and I know I can trust him – I have before – but today he wanted to try something new and now…  I’m not so sure.  But I’m willing.

He arches over me.  My ankle is on his shoulder and his huge warm palm is wrapped around my knee.  He stares into my eyes.  Maybe he is not so sure about this either.

“Take a deep breath for me.” He commands.

I obey and immediately things change.  He begins to push and the pressure is more than I thought it would be.  I start to resist, but instead I bite my lip and turn my head.  He pushes more, his grip on me getting harder.  “C’mon.  It’ll be okay.  Just a little more?”  He seeks my permission to continue.  The pain and the pleasure are so intertwined that all I can do is nod my head in acquiescence.  I start to pant.  He makes a quick grunt in the back of his throat.  “Wow, you are really tight.”


“Yes.”  I smile at him and he smiles back.  We laugh a bit, to shake off the awkwardness.  But still, that lovely pain-pleasure-pressure continues.  I grip the sheets and struggle not to cry out.  A moan escapes me.  He pries one hand loose from the sheets and laces his fingers through mine.
“Just hold on for me.”  I hear him draw and release his own deep breath.  And then he puts his head down and really starts to work me out.

I’m about to lose it.  I’m not sure how much longer he will go on.  It seems like it’s been hours already.  He doesn’t stop, doesn’t take a break.  Just changes positions and begins his attack on my body with endless stamina.  He slides his palm up the small of my back and cups my neck.  His other hand is holding me still while he pushes again and again.  And again.  He hits that tender spot.

“Ooh.  Yeah, right there, right there, right there.”  I chant it over and over again.  The feeling is indescribable.  Hot, heavy, hard, unrelenting, deep, riding that thin line between “stop” and “don’t stop”.
Finally, with my leg caught between us, we both feel the tension build and build and then –

He looks at me and draws away.  “How do you feel?”
“Amazing,” I say, immediately.  “Thank you so much!”
“I’ll let you get dressed.  Be back in a bit.”
I humbly reach for my clothes and throw them on.  I turn and head for the door, walking significantly different than I was when I entered.  As I try to leave, he’s there, smiling at me.
“I brought you some water.”
“Be sure to stay hydrated.  And go ahead and make your next appointment for no more than two weeks out.  I think we are making great progress on that knee.”

I wink at him.  “Oh, I will definitely be back!”

O_o (What the Huck?…)

This was my experience with Robert at Massage Envy in Pearland, TX.  I know what some of you thought was going on.  And let me say – this is as close as I have gotten in longer than I care to admit.  And I take FULL advantage of it every chance I get!  He is the bomb!!  But I am sure that he has no idea what this experience is like for me.  Every time I go there, he treats me very professionally.  I’m sure his version of our “interlude” would go something more like this…….

Saturday, 1:30 PM.  Andrea Stephens.  Advanced degenerative arthritis in the left knee.  Deep tissue massage.

Here she comes.  She always smiles at me like I gave her a present or something.  She’s weird.  Good tipper, but weird.  Oh, well.  I’ll step out and let her get undressed.  I come back in.

“Are you ready?”  I ask.  She says yes.  Good.  Don’t want to walk in on her early – you get fired for that.  Okay, let’s get this party started.  Begin with the back rub.

“Mmm, that feels good” she says.  Great!  I hope that she refers other people to me; I need to build up my business.  Time to move to the hamstrings.  Heavy pressure, and… why is she giggling?  Is she okay? Let me check…

“Is this too much for you?”  Maybe I’m hurting her.  No?  She says she’s good.  “Let me know if I hurt you, okay?”  Okay, let’s do this.  “Take a deep breath for me.”  Don’t want her to freak out about this new technique.

And…apply pressure to adjust the hips…  Deep knee massage…check range of motion…  Work on quadriceps… “Wow, you’re really tight.”


“Yes.”  She’s laughing like that’s funny.  But she needs to stretch more at home.  Then she wouldn’t have these knots in her quads.  Okay…work on the hip flexors…  Heavy on the calves… Time to go deep on the scar tissue in this knee… Uh-oh… She’s starting to reach her limit.  I’m almost done though.  Let me get her through this part.  I’ll grab her hand to give her somewhere to focus, cuz this is going to hurt. “Just hold on for me.”

Got to get through this last tense piece of knee fascia…and…snap!


“Hmmm!”  Got it!  That should give her knee more motion until the next session.  Let her get dressed, bring her some water.  Remind her about the next appointment.

“Oh, I will definitely be back.”  She winked at me.  What was that about?  Whatever.  Time for my 3:00 PM appointment.

SO WHAT if it is all in my mind?!?!  It still relieves my stress!!

Rant 44 done, and I’m headed BACK for another massage.  DON’T JUDGE ME!!