Joy’s Rant List: Volume 50: Sex Packets, Part 4-B: MORE Sex, Lies and Videotape

Previously, on “Sex Packets…”

(Nah, I ain’t recapping. Just go read the previous entry or this won’t make sense.)


Tyrese looked down at the bed where his wife was passed out. What the hell? He thought. Is she dead? He poked her.  “T… T, wake up…Taraji?”  He shook her hard enough to wake her.  And he ignored the fact that it felt good to his ego to shake her kinda hard.

Taraji moaned and opened her eyes. She realized where she was, and what was happening. She hastily remove the vibrator, but she couldn’t suppress an ‘aftershock’ shudder as she removed it.  When she sat up, it was to face an angry husband.  “…What’s wrong?”  She was truly confused as to why he was frowning at her.  “Did you get the shot you wanted?” She asked.

“Yeah, I got the shot. The shot of you passing out with that damn vibrator.  What was that about?” Tyrese accused her with his eyes.

Taraji just stared dumbfounded at him. “I don’t know.  You told me to use it, so I did.  It felt good.  So I came.  What’s wrong with that?”  She asked as she rose to approach him.

“Nothing.” Tyrese snatched the vibrator from her hand and tossed it to the floor.  “I’m just saying.  We’ve been married for 7 years, been banging for 9, and you’ve never passed out before.  Makes me wonder…”  He started to position the camera on the tripod, and got busy fumbling with the controls again and pointedly not making eye contact with Taraji.  She reached for his chin to get him to face her but he jerked away.  “Just go lay down on the bed so we can finish this movie.”  He snapped at her.

 “HEY!” Taraji got up in Tyrese’s face.  “Looka here – it was YOUR idea to make a movie.  YOUR idea to use a vibrator YOU bought. And now you wanna get mad because I liked it?  Go to hell, ‘Reese!”  Taraji pushed at his chest and tried to leave the room, but he grabbed her in a bear hug.

Tyrese looked at his wife and accepted the fact that he put them in this place. He was NOT going to puss out about the damn vibrator.  It was a freaking machine.  He took a deep breath and shook off his bullshit.  He’d just gotten his wife to star in a home porno.  He’d better suck it up or else.  “I’m sorry baby.  I’m just tripping.  I just didn’t have any idea you would react so… strongly to it.  Let’s finish the movie.”  He started rubbing her back and rocking back and forth with her – actions that he knew would calm her down.  After a while, she agreed to get back to filming.

This time, there was no vibrator. Tyrese set up the camera, and they started over with foreplay.  She played with him, and he played with her – for a really long time, just to be sure…  Then, they played with each other.  After a few minutes, Tyrese added a little Astro-glide before getting down to his business.

She wants a machine, I’ll give her a machine. With those thoughts driving him, he commenced to putting in back breaking work on her.  He lifted her up, tossed her around, even held her upside down.  All the while, Tyrese kept checking the camera to make sure it was still recording.

Taraji hissed “Stop looking at the camera!” She was certain it was going to mess up the movie. He dismounted and went over to the tripod.

“I want to get some close up shots,” he said. “Get into doggie for me.” He came up behind her and tried to enter her while holding the camera.  After a couple of pumps, he slipped out.  He tried again, angling the camera to get a good view of himself at the point of penetration.  He slipped out again.  “How do the porn stars get these close up shots without slipping out?”

“They are longer so…” Immediately, Taraji cursed her loose tongue and analytical mind.  Had she just insulted her husband in the middle of sex?  She closed her eyes when she felt him pause and pull out.  


“I mean they have a third person holding the camera so it’s easier.” Taraji tried to clean it up.

“That’s not what you said. But whatever.  Those guys are freaks of nature.  Whatever.  Just… just lay on your back and pull your legs up.  Let’s try it that way.”  Taraji complied with Tyrese’s request and spread herself as wide as she could so he could get his shot.  He stroked for a long time trying to get it right…  Too long.

“Uhh – baby can you grab the lube? I’m starting to dry out.”  The friction was becoming uncomfortable.

“Oh so now I’m small AND can’t keep you wet?” He tried to say it jokingly, but Tyrese was clearly starting to get in his feelings more than a little bit.

“No babe! It’s just the air in here is drying me out.  You’ve got me all spread-eagled to the sky.  Help a sister out.”  She tried to lighten his mood.

Tyrese grumbled as he got off the bed. “You could at least act like you want it.  I mean this is a movie.” Tyrese mumbled.

Taraji sat up. “Okay, see, I knew this was a bad idea.  You’re all pissy now because I’m drying out?  It’s 60 freaking degrees in here – what do you expect?  And it’s not like I don’t want you.  But this isn’t sexy!! This is crazy.  You keep stopping mid-stroke to look at the camera!  Where is the ‘romance’ in that?”  She was starting to get really angry at him for his attitude.  “If this is going to make you get all insecure we can just stop right now.”  She reached for her robe.

“No! No!  I want this – for real.  Let’s just put the camera back on the stand and keep going.”  He replaced the camera and looked down at himself.  And down was the appropriate word.  He started stroking himself to get back in the game, but every time he looked at her, he thought of her comment.  He knew she was right.  They’d even discussed the crazy size of the porn stars before.  But still.  He stood there for a moment, stewing in his internal strife.

Taraji looked at him, and her eyes softened. “Come here baby, let me take care of you.”  She crawled across the bed and took him in hand.  “Awww, is the baby sleepy?  Let’s see if I can wake him up.”  She began to work him over with her mouth, and he was back in the saddle in no time.

Tyrese shook off his attitude and got back to business. He would show her who was the man around here!  He ran through everything in his arsenal:  Missionary.  Doggie style. Cowgirl.  Reverse Cowgirl. Some ol’ Kama Sutra shit they found online, but that gave Tyrese a cramp in his calf so it was back to doggie style.  As he got close to finishing, he whispered “Bae, turn over…”

Taraji turned over, expecting to go back into cowgirl – and got hit with a face full of hot and sticky…

That son of a bitch! was all she could think. This was NOT agreed to!  But, she let him completely finish with her lips pursed and eyes shut tight.  She absolutely did not want it in her eyes.  She was convinced it was why all the hoes in her high school had gotten the pink-eye back in the day.  She could feel it going everywhere, and knew she would never feel clean again. When he was done, she just sat perfectly still.  Eyes still closed.  She could hear him going around and turning off the music, the camera, and then opening the door.

“So you’re just gonna clean the room up and not get this shit off me, huh?” she yelled out. “Can you at least bring me a towel, muthafucka?” She kept her eyes closed until she felt a warm towel hit her hand, which she grabbed and scrubbed at her face like leprosy was on it.

“Sorry baby.” Tyrese watched her clean herself like a cat on cocaine. “You know, in the movies, the girls always take it in the face and rub it in and wipe it around….”

“Don’t make me beat yo’ ass, ‘Reese.” Taraji was no longer in the mood – for anything.  She got up and went to the bathroom to take the longest, hottest shower she could.

VIDEOTAPE/DVD/BLUE RAY in HD (HD – High Definition)

An hour later, they sat in front of the TV to watch the playback in the living room. “Here goes nothing,” Tyrese said.  “Thanks for doing this, T.  I love you.”  He kissed her on the cheek.

“I love you too, darling. But just so we’re clear – that was your one movie, got it?”  In Taraji’s opinion, this was just too much trouble.  She leaned into him as they started the movie.

Both were silent as they watched themselves on the big screen. Taraji broke the silence.  “Look at those muscles flexing!  You look good, boo.”  She smiled at him.

“So do you, bae. I just wish I had known this was the angle.  We can’t really see your body, just mine.  I’d rather see yours.”  He leaned forward and started watching with a critical eye.

As she began to service him on screen, he noticed that her facial expression was one of annoyance. Tyrese turned and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  “Why do you look mad?”

“What?” She said innocently.  “I was focused.  That’s hard work, son!”  She giggled.  “Besides, look at me now!”  On screen, she was riding him like a prized stallion.  As she looked at herself, she thought: Wow, he was right about the Brazilian. I’ll never say that out loud, though.

“I was right about the Brazilian, huh?” Tyrese chimed in as if he’d read her mind.

She punched him in the shoulder playfully. “Yeah, but you should have shaved your hairy ass too!”  She shot back.

“You’re right. Too bad this is the only movie we’re making!”  He chuckled.  They continued to watch until they got to the attempted close up shots.  You could hear them arguing.  Tyrese ground his molars together for a second.  He felt Taraji gearing up to give him a pep talk that might possibly have emasculated him for life.

She began in an irritatingly patronizing voice: “It’s really just –“

“I’ll just edit out all the bad stuff later,” he said, cutting her off before she got started. “And I’m leaving in your little line about taking care of me.  That sounds straight out of a 70’s movie.”  He chuckled.

“You calling me corny?” She playfully smacked at his butt.

“Noooo… Yes.”  They both laughed, easing the tension.  They watched in relative silence up to the end– where he sprayed her.  “Oh man – look at your face!  You look like I was peeing on you or something!”  He doubled over laughing.

“I’m glad you think this is funny, you jerk. You know how I feel about cum.  I never said you could do that!”  She was mad all over again.

“Yeah, but you didn’t say I couldn’t”. Tyrese smiled at her. Secretly, that was the only reason he’d listened to her extended list of rules – to make sure that she didn’t say it.  She’d forgotten about that part, and he knew that was a one-time shot.   “Actually, the whole movie turned out pretty good.  I just wish we could get some better close-up shots of me and you.  My hand was shaking…”  He looked at her.

“ONE TIME, ‘Reese. That’s what we agreed to and that’s all you’re going to get!  There’s no way I’m letting you cum on me like that again. AND, you got it in my hair so that’s $100 out the damn door.  Your little porn career is about to start costing too much.”   She crossed her arms and gave him her best mean mug.


Two weeks later…

“Thanks for lettin’ me crash here tonight, ‘Reese.” Omar said, slurring his words.  “I don’t think I coulda made it home.”  He tripped into the house behind Tyrese.  “I’mma just lay on the floor right here.”

“Shhh – Taraji is probably asleep. Just get to the couch and – …da fuck?”  Tyrese and Omar came around the corner to find Taraji – very much NOT asleep.  She had the TV on loud and was watching a vintage porno… and using the vibrator.  She was moaning so loudly that she hadn’t heard the door open.

Taraji gasped “What the hell!!”

“Oh shit!!” yelled Omar

“What is going on in here?” asked Tyrese, his eyes spitting fire.

“What the hell are YOU doing bringing people to the house? You coulda called before you came!”  Taraji tried to sound indignant as she wrapped a blanket around herself.

“And YOU coulda waited for ME before YOU came! Damn, T, for real!” Tyrese crossed his arms, waiting for an explanation. Taraji just stood there, looking uncomfortable.

“Hey, lishen, I don’ wanna be in the middle of this, with your dildoes, and your freaky things –“

“Shut up Omar!”

“And your sex tape –“

“Wait WHAT!?!?!” Taraji turned to Tyrese, now spitting fire from her own eyes.  “You TOLD him about our movie? You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!  I can’t believe you!”  Taraji looked hurt and disappointed.

“Don’t try to turn this around on me, Taraji. Why.  Were.   You. Using. A. Vibrator?”  Tyrese stood his ground and demanded an answer.

“You were supposed to be out all night! I was horny.  And it was just sitting in that box.  I still would have set you out when you got home IF you hadn’t been bringing people with you!” Taraji screamed back at him.

“Lower your voice woman. You starting to act like a real unstable creature right now.  Real unstable, Taraji.  I’m just saying.  Tell me the truth.  You been using that thing on the regular?”

“She probably has. My ex-wife loves hers.  She keeps extra rechargeable batteries in her night stand.” Omar contributed to the conversation with a hiccup.  “And Tarashee, you gon’ ease up on my man tryna act all holy.  Don’t act like you ain’t told nobody.”

Taraji looked at Omar warily. “We both said we wouldn’t tell ANYONE –“

“Yeah, but Monique called me the night it all went down. So you told her, huh? So why can’t he tell me?  See, ‘Reese, you can’t trust broads.”  Omar sat down on the couch and almost immediately started snoring.

Tyrese and Taraji just stared at each other. Neither made a move towards reconciliation.

“I think I’m going to sleep in the guest room.” Tyrese said.

“Yeah, you do that.” Replied Taraji.

“Why don’t you take your little battery operated boyfriend with you, then?” he shouted.

“I think I will! At least my vibrator doesn’t get all in his feelings like you!” she screamed.

“Fine! Maybe I will just go out to Magic City and find me a girlfriend!” Tyrese shot back.  He immediately regretted his words when he saw the hurt look on his wife’s face.  “T…  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean it.  I’m so sorr – ooof!!” He lost his breath when Taraji kicked him in the solar plexus and knocked him to the floor.  She jumped on top of him and started windmilling her arms, forcing him to protect himself.


“Muthafucka don’t you EVER think you gonna cheat on me ‘cuz I will kill YOU AND HER if you even so much as breathe on another female and don’t think I can’t do it because I will go in that kitchen right now and –“ Tyrese had to flip her and pin her to the floor.  By this time the blanket had come off.  The anger Taraji was feeling only escalated as Tyrese laughed at her attempts to beat on him.  She squirmed against him, but he held her still.

“Calm down, wildcat! You aint’ gotta be jealous.  I was just talking noise.  You know I love you.”  He started to kiss her and let her feel his erection.  Her naked squirming had gotten him heated.  He unzipped himself and nudged his way into her.  She started to protest but angry sex had also always been one of their ‘things’.  As he started to press into her she stopped him.

“Wait – what about Omar? He’s right over there!”  She tried to look over Tyrese’s shoulder.

“He had a whole bottle of Grey Goose. He ain’t waking up for a while.” Tyrese said.  Then he lifted her legs to seat himself even deeper inside her.  The idea of getting caught was turning him on, anyway.  And judging from her response it was turning her on too.  She started to open more for him.  He cupped her behind to bring her closer.  Both of them were riding a fast wave to the top –

“Damn, if this is what y’all’s movie looked like, that shit must be boring as hell.” Omar said from the couch.  He got up and weaved toward the door.  “Take me home, ‘Reese.  Y’all are getting on my nerves with this freaky shit.  Brother can’t even get a nap up in here.”

Rant #50 AND the Sex Packets series are done, and I’m out!!


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